Nikki Bella shed some light on the lingering feelings she has held on to after her engagement with John Cena ended nearly one year ago.
In an exclusive clip from Sunday's Total Bellas season finale, Nikki and her sister, Brie, visit Napa, California: the city where Nikki and John were originally supposed to tie the knot.
"This is the first time I've been back in Napa since my big breakup and I just immediately get all those memories. But a part of me is like, 'Okay Nicole, now you have to make new memories.' I definitely made Napa a lot about the ex, but I think because I have such a love for wine that it makes it feel okay," Nikki tells Brie.
Although word continues to circulate that Nikki is dating her former Dancing With The Stars partner, Artem Chigvintsev, she says that this trip to Napa was fuel to begin healing from her relationship's end with Cena.
"I think that's why I was crying so much yesterday," Nikki explained, "I feel like it was the first time I just fully was starting my true grieving and healing process. No matter what, the next time I see him with someone it's going to kill me."
Nikki's new strategy is to live life unapologetically, and she's excited to see where this mindset will take her.
"I still have a long way to go. But honestly, I'm ready for a new me. I need it," Nikki said. "You know what I feel like I need to do? I need to start living as if I don't care whether it's my ex or anyone else watching me and afraid to hurt their feelings. I just want to move forward."
Total Bellas airs on the E! Network every Sunday at 9 pm ET.